You and your toddler
Watching your baby develop into a toddler can be exciting, but at OXPIP we understand that the changes may also be a bit puzzling.
What is ‘toddlerhood’?
This page is about the development from being a baby, who is totally dependent on his parents, to being an individual who is learning to walk and become more independent. You may be delighted to watch your child begin to get more control over his body, but at the same time feel sad that his baby days are over. Your toddler’s growing ability to explore the world around him is a significant development. For some parents the change can feel very difficult, as your infant is now able to attempt to get things for himself without you. However, even though your toddler is off exploring he will need to come back to you regularly for reassurance. You may also find that he ‘reacts’ when you leave him, as his world may suddenly feel overwhelming without your comforting presence. Your toddler will be thrilled and very excited by these changes and will not understand when you need to restrain him or suggest alternatives! He will need you to offer distractions to help him manage the fustrating feelings.
Understanding your toddler’s feelings
You may now find that your toddler is able to wait a bit longer to have his needs met. He may disapprove of being kept waiting, e.g. for his food to cool down, so try to be sympathetic to his fustration. At this age he cannot regulate his feelings, and will not be able to work out that ‘the food is too hot’. At such times you may feel resentful towards your impatient toddler. Try to remember that he does not intend to be demanding, he cannot yet understand the need to wait. You will probably find that as soon as you give him the thing he wants he will smile at you lovingly. Being extremely fustrated and raging one minute, and happy and smiley the next is typical of being a toddler, and their feelings may swing from one state to the other. This can be exhausting and fustrating for parents too, so try not to blame your toddler or yourself, especially if you are having a bad day. Becoming more independent means your toddler will want to try to do things for himself, so let him join in where he can.
Play
Now that your child is toddling, the whole world will be something to be explored and played with. Play is very important at this age, it helps your child begin to understand how things work. With his new abilities your toddler will take great delight in repeating the activity many times. He needs to do this and will love it if you join in, letting him take the lead. At this age he won’t yet really understand the idea of playing with someone else, and so he may tend to use other children like toys, things to be sought out, pushed around and discarded as his mood demands. He will not understand the idea of sharing and you may need to help him sympathetically, by distracting him and creating a diversion.
A toddler in the family
By the time your child is toddling you will have made many changes to your family routine. You may feel more comfortable with these changes, but also resent the impact your child is having on your lifestyle. You may be thinking about going back to work and be worried about childcare arrangements, and how you are going to manage. If you are living with a partner you may not always agree on what is best for your toddler and how to manage him when he gets upset. Grandparents may also have their views about what you should do, and this may be difficult, especially if you did not grow up in a safe loving family.
Having a toddler in the family who is suddenly on the move and into everything can feel exhausting. Sometimes you will manage this better than other times, and it will be easier to manage the changes if you are feeling OK about yourself. If you feel overwhelmed by being a parent, and cannot seem to manage your feelings, then it may be important for you and your child to talk to someone who can offer professional help.
OXPIP offers a counselling service for parents of babies, toddlers and parents to be. What ever your situation, it can sometimes help to talk things over. So why not give us a ring? Your call will be treated in the strictest confidence. Sessions are held during the daytime in Oxford City, Didcot, Kidlington and Witney, and can be arranged by phoning: 07904 538774