You and your baby
Getting to know your baby will take time and at OXPIP we understand that becoming a parent may awaken hidden feelings, hopes and worries.
Understanding your baby’s feelings
It is not always easy to understand your baby, and you may sometimes feel overwhelmed. At first your baby will be unable to wait to be fed, held or changed and you will need to answer his cries very quickly. However, in a few months you will probably find that he can bear some fustration. Just like adults, babies differ in how they manage having to wait, but the time will come when they can tolerate being left a little longer. A baby’s crying will make a loving parent feel disressed. So far this is your baby’s only way of asking for help. If you stay patient and sympathetic this will help your baby learn to manage these difficult feelings. Babies do not mean to be demanding so try not to feel he is crying for nothing or that you have done something wrong. As your baby grows he will learn from experience that you are there when he needs you. This trust in you will begin to help him settle on his own.
Sleeping
Babies’ patterns of sleep vary greatly, especially in the first six months. You may get anxious if your baby’s pattern of sleep keeps changing, and it can be exhausting. Babies are very sensitive to how their parents are feeling, and if you are worried or having a difficult day, your baby may feel unable to settle. Some will fall asleep on their own, whilst others will like to be held and this is linked to their feelings about being alone and seperate from others. You will begin to learn these important signals from your baby. When your baby does not settle you may feel hurt or resentful. Stick with him when he is miserable, he needs your comfort and company. All babies are different and it may take time for you and your baby to really understand what he likes best.
Feeding
Feeding is not only a time for your baby to eat and feel comforted by your ability to satisfy his hunger, but also a time for you and your baby to get close. However you may be surprised by the ‘urgency’ of his hunger. Whether you are breast or bottle-feeding it will be an important time for you to get to know each other. Follow your baby, give him time for a rest, and encourage him gently if you feel he can take some more. Parents often feel anxious if a baby takes less at some feeds, or seems to have an insatiable appetite at other times. Try to follow your baby’s cues, and be aware that your worries about frequency of feeds and amount taken may get in the way of you getting to know your baby.
Your new baby and your family
A new baby will inevitably bring changes to your family. During the first six months your baby will demand all of your attention. You may love this, but at the same time miss your old lifestyle. If you are living with a partner you will notice changes in all areas of your relationship; doing things together, having time to talk, and having sex. Either of you may feel pushed out by the baby, so it is important to say these things to each other. If you are looking after your baby on your own you may unexpectedly find yourself feeling lonely, even though there are now two of you.
Babies let us know what they want by how they look, move and cry. In the first weeks and months they rely on us to sort out all their distress and give comfort. Sometimes you will manage this better than other times, and it will be easier to comfort your baby when you are feeling OK about yourself. If you feel overwhelmed by being a parent, and cannot seem to manage your feelings, then it may be important for you and your baby to talk to someone who can offer professional help.
OXPIP offers a counselling service for parents of babies, toddlers and parents to be. What ever your situation, it can sometimes help to talk things over. So why not give us a ring? Your call will be trated in the strictest confidence. Sessions are held during the daytime in Oxford City, Didcot, Kidlington and Witney, and can be arranged by phoning 07904 538774.